http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/ Sat, 19 May 2012 15:37:21 +0000 MyBB http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=26 Fri, 14 Jan 2011 16:24:21 -0700 http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=26
So, if there are people everywhere who want a better marriage relationship, why don’t they have one?

Surely it can’t be that hard to have the kind of marriage a person wants, can it?

Well, given that I help people create a happy, loving, affectionate, and intimate marriage relationship, I get to see everyday why people don’t have the kind of marriage relationship they really want.

Reason #1…

The first reason people don’t have the kind of marriage relationship they want is because they don’t want to have to do anything to be lovable, desirable, attractive and sexy.

“You should just love me as I am for who I am without any effort, cooperation, collaboration, contribution, compromise, or change from me” describes their mentality … and if they could just find some way to FORCE their spouse into accepting their mentality, they would be very “happy”.

But of course, it is a one-sided standard because they certainly DO NOT love their spouse “as they are for who they are“.

They want unconditional, unqualified, un-merited love but they are not the least bit interested in giving it. If you were to give them half a chance, they would give you a long list of changes, enhancements, and improvements their spouse would have to make before they could “love” them and be “happy” with them.

My friend, here’s the bottom line: you ARE a valuable human being with MUCH potential — and the fact that God created you and put you on this earth makes that true. But, as much as you might want it to be the case, as idyllic as it might sound, you are NOT lovable, attractive, desirable, or sexy to your spouse just because you are here taking up space … just as your spouse is not lovable, attractive, desirable, or sexy to you just because they happen to be in your life.

I don’t care who you are or who you think you are, NOBODY is attracted to a slob or a blob … NOBODY desires a person with a soured, negative, hateful, bitter, or mean attitude … NOBODY feels love for — well, you understand the point.

To be lovable, attractive, desirable, and sexy REQUIRES effort, cooperation, collaboration, contribution, compromise, and change from YOU. And, the same is true for your spouse. You have to BE and DO certain things if you want to be WANTED and APPRECIATED.

Reason #2…

The second reason people don’t have the kind of marriage relationship they want is because they dismiss their spouse’s wants, needs, and desires as superficial, silly, insignificant, and unnecessary.

The husband tells his wife what he wants … but in his wife’s mind, she thinks it’s not important for her to fulfill those wants. The wife tells her husband what she wants from him … and the husband disregards and discards her wants because they are not something he himself wants.

The husband tells his wife what he wants … but she doesn’t have the energy for his want because her energy is directed elsewhere. The wife tells her husband what she wants … but he doesn’t have the time or attention for her want because his time and attention is directed elsewhere.

Here’s what you need to know: any time your spouse has a want … and you think they should just be happy without you fulfilling that want, you are ACTIVELY CREATING an unhappy marriage relationship.

Reason #3…

The third reason people don’t have the kind of marriage relationship they want is because they foster, hold, and harbor negative emotions towards their spouse. They get a kind of perverse enjoyment … a weird stimulation of feelings … out of dwelling upon past offenses and grievances … but it results in an unhappy SELF and an unhappy marriage.

Many people are also very good at projecting forward into the future and imagining even more offences and grievances in relation to their spouse … so that they can feel even MORE unhappy in their SELF and in their marriage.

Happily married people find and focus on the good that exists in their spouse RIGHT NOW.

Reason #4…

The fourth reason people don’t have the kind of marriage relationship they want is because of ignorance — they have never learned how to interact with their spouse in a way that works for both of them. They have never learned how to interact with their spouse in a way that creates MUTUAL harmony, joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment.

Men are different from women. Women are different from men. They think, behave, and operate differently from each other. Consequently, they do not understand each other. And,because they don’t understand each other, offences and grievances occur on a regular basis.

The result is that they are in an unhappy marriage with a person they really do love at some level but they just aren’t happy with them. They WANT to be happy with their spouse but they aren’t happy with them.

Am I speaking to you? Are you hearing me?

Friend, as you can probably attest to in your own marriage, ignorance is NOT bliss. A lack of understanding on YOUR part does NOT create happiness for YOU. In fact, you can never have a happy, satisfying, and fulfilling marriage … you can never have a loving, affectionate, and intimate relationship UNTIL you get yourself educated and gain an understanding of your spouse’s way of thinking, behaving, and operating.

Now, 50 years ago, the culture was such that you and your spouse could stumble around for 10 – 20 years until you figured it out on your own. But in today’s society, the mentality is,“You don’t have to put up with unhappiness, just get a divorce, find someone else, and start over.”

As such, you only have a few years at most to get your marriage relationship figured out and working before your spouse chooses a divorce or an affair instead of you. Wouldn’t you agree that educating yourself is way cheaper and way more enjoyable than dealing with a divorce or an affair?

Now, as you consider your own marriage relationship, you have a personal choice to make. Some people will decide that it feels better and is easier to just blame and fault their spouse for all of the unhappiness they feel. These are the people whose marriage relationship will continue to get worse and worse until it finally ends.

These are the people who are choosing to feel more and more unhappiness … which will repel away their spouse even more. Oddly, when their marriage relationship starts coming to an end, and marriage failure is imminent, THEN they are often ready and willing to start learning what they should have learned way before. Of course at this stage, it’s often too late. But, everybody gets to make their own choices … and “enjoy” the corresponding consequences.

The good news is that TODAY, you have an opportunity to find out how to create a happy, loving, affectionate, and intimate marriage relationship with your spouseso that you don’t ever have to deal with a divorce or affair. Don’t squander or waste this opportunity.

Copyright 2010 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage: http://www.DoThisGetSex.com

Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage: http://www.TheWifeBook.com

Husband And Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want A Happy Marriage That Works For BOTH Of You: http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com]]>
So, if there are people everywhere who want a better marriage relationship, why don’t they have one?

Surely it can’t be that hard to have the kind of marriage a person wants, can it?

Well, given that I help people create a happy, loving, affectionate, and intimate marriage relationship, I get to see everyday why people don’t have the kind of marriage relationship they really want.

Reason #1…

The first reason people don’t have the kind of marriage relationship they want is because they don’t want to have to do anything to be lovable, desirable, attractive and sexy.

“You should just love me as I am for who I am without any effort, cooperation, collaboration, contribution, compromise, or change from me” describes their mentality … and if they could just find some way to FORCE their spouse into accepting their mentality, they would be very “happy”.

But of course, it is a one-sided standard because they certainly DO NOT love their spouse “as they are for who they are“.

They want unconditional, unqualified, un-merited love but they are not the least bit interested in giving it. If you were to give them half a chance, they would give you a long list of changes, enhancements, and improvements their spouse would have to make before they could “love” them and be “happy” with them.

My friend, here’s the bottom line: you ARE a valuable human being with MUCH potential — and the fact that God created you and put you on this earth makes that true. But, as much as you might want it to be the case, as idyllic as it might sound, you are NOT lovable, attractive, desirable, or sexy to your spouse just because you are here taking up space … just as your spouse is not lovable, attractive, desirable, or sexy to you just because they happen to be in your life.

I don’t care who you are or who you think you are, NOBODY is attracted to a slob or a blob … NOBODY desires a person with a soured, negative, hateful, bitter, or mean attitude … NOBODY feels love for — well, you understand the point.

To be lovable, attractive, desirable, and sexy REQUIRES effort, cooperation, collaboration, contribution, compromise, and change from YOU. And, the same is true for your spouse. You have to BE and DO certain things if you want to be WANTED and APPRECIATED.

Reason #2…

The second reason people don’t have the kind of marriage relationship they want is because they dismiss their spouse’s wants, needs, and desires as superficial, silly, insignificant, and unnecessary.

The husband tells his wife what he wants … but in his wife’s mind, she thinks it’s not important for her to fulfill those wants. The wife tells her husband what she wants from him … and the husband disregards and discards her wants because they are not something he himself wants.

The husband tells his wife what he wants … but she doesn’t have the energy for his want because her energy is directed elsewhere. The wife tells her husband what she wants … but he doesn’t have the time or attention for her want because his time and attention is directed elsewhere.

Here’s what you need to know: any time your spouse has a want … and you think they should just be happy without you fulfilling that want, you are ACTIVELY CREATING an unhappy marriage relationship.

Reason #3…

The third reason people don’t have the kind of marriage relationship they want is because they foster, hold, and harbor negative emotions towards their spouse. They get a kind of perverse enjoyment … a weird stimulation of feelings … out of dwelling upon past offenses and grievances … but it results in an unhappy SELF and an unhappy marriage.

Many people are also very good at projecting forward into the future and imagining even more offences and grievances in relation to their spouse … so that they can feel even MORE unhappy in their SELF and in their marriage.

Happily married people find and focus on the good that exists in their spouse RIGHT NOW.

Reason #4…

The fourth reason people don’t have the kind of marriage relationship they want is because of ignorance — they have never learned how to interact with their spouse in a way that works for both of them. They have never learned how to interact with their spouse in a way that creates MUTUAL harmony, joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment.

Men are different from women. Women are different from men. They think, behave, and operate differently from each other. Consequently, they do not understand each other. And,because they don’t understand each other, offences and grievances occur on a regular basis.

The result is that they are in an unhappy marriage with a person they really do love at some level but they just aren’t happy with them. They WANT to be happy with their spouse but they aren’t happy with them.

Am I speaking to you? Are you hearing me?

Friend, as you can probably attest to in your own marriage, ignorance is NOT bliss. A lack of understanding on YOUR part does NOT create happiness for YOU. In fact, you can never have a happy, satisfying, and fulfilling marriage … you can never have a loving, affectionate, and intimate relationship UNTIL you get yourself educated and gain an understanding of your spouse’s way of thinking, behaving, and operating.

Now, 50 years ago, the culture was such that you and your spouse could stumble around for 10 – 20 years until you figured it out on your own. But in today’s society, the mentality is,“You don’t have to put up with unhappiness, just get a divorce, find someone else, and start over.”

As such, you only have a few years at most to get your marriage relationship figured out and working before your spouse chooses a divorce or an affair instead of you. Wouldn’t you agree that educating yourself is way cheaper and way more enjoyable than dealing with a divorce or an affair?

Now, as you consider your own marriage relationship, you have a personal choice to make. Some people will decide that it feels better and is easier to just blame and fault their spouse for all of the unhappiness they feel. These are the people whose marriage relationship will continue to get worse and worse until it finally ends.

These are the people who are choosing to feel more and more unhappiness … which will repel away their spouse even more. Oddly, when their marriage relationship starts coming to an end, and marriage failure is imminent, THEN they are often ready and willing to start learning what they should have learned way before. Of course at this stage, it’s often too late. But, everybody gets to make their own choices … and “enjoy” the corresponding consequences.

The good news is that TODAY, you have an opportunity to find out how to create a happy, loving, affectionate, and intimate marriage relationship with your spouseso that you don’t ever have to deal with a divorce or affair. Don’t squander or waste this opportunity.

Copyright 2010 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage: http://www.DoThisGetSex.com

Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage: http://www.TheWifeBook.com

Husband And Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want A Happy Marriage That Works For BOTH Of You: http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com]]> http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=22 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 13:37:58 -0700 http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=22
What is it that you bring to your spouse that really augments, enhances, and improves their life?

What do you offer your spouse that is significant and meaningful to them?

What about the other way around...

What value, benefit, and blessing do you gain from being with your spouse?

How does your spouse augment, enhance, and improve your life?

What does your spouse share with you that's significant and meaningful to you?

Sadly, for too many people, their marriage relationship is really nothing more than a "boarding arrangement"...two humans helping each other survive...two people pooling their resources and splitting costs...two friends helping each other with chores and responsibilities...two roommates filling in or standing in for each other when needed.

And, while it is good to have someone standing with you in this manner, it is not enough to satisfy and fulfill a person. If it was, people would just continue living with their brothers and sisters or they would continue to "dorm" with their guy friends or gal friends.

But, it is not enough...people want more...they thought they were getting more when they married...and too often, they end up with nothing more...sometimes even less...than what they had before they married.

How and why does this happen more often than not?

It happens BECAUSE of how each person RELATES to the other. Too frequently, the way people RELATE is based on:

1. Ignorance - primarily, this is a lack of understanding about the opposite sex but it can also be other forms of ignorance such as poor people skills.

2. Selfishness - where a person cares only about their self and their interests, projects, and happiness.

3. Insecurity - fear that causes a person to shut-down and close-up which distances them from their companion.

4. Entitlement - the belief that my spouse should just give me whatever I want with little to no effort or contribution on my part.

5. Laziness - the knowledge that one should and could relate to their spouse in a better way but lacking the desire or motivation to do so.

Without fail, these kinds of RELATING will assuredly drain the very life out of a relationship...draining it of respect, appreciation, attraction, honor, adventure, passion, and fun...leaving people in the "boarding arrangement" that is so unfulfilling and unsatisfying to them.

Soon, bitterness, resentment, and anger begin to build because people feel stuck and trapped. They have children and other long-term obligations and responsibilities that ethically and morally "locks" them into their "boarding arrangement".

But, how come so many people can't seem to fix their marriage relationship?

They can't because they are so actively engaged in pride, ego, stubbornness, resentment, anger, bitterness, hatred, and other negative-emotions that it's easier for them to either distance themselves from their spouse and "live" in an imaginary / pretend / fantasy world...or to step out and seek affection, intimacy, sex, fun, and adventure with an outside person.

What many people don't realize is that there are easy ways to "save face" and let go of pride, ego, and negative-emotions so that a person can do the "right thing" and create the happy, satisfying, fulfilling marriage relationship of their dreams with the spouse they already have.

Having said that, some people don't want to have the relationship of their dreams with their current spouse. They WANT it to be ANOTHER person. Well, that's the pride, ego, and negative-emotions that's driving that kind of response. And, here's what such a person should know: your unhappiness is INSIDE of you and will REMAIN WITH YOU...no matter who the other person in your life is. Your unhappiness will continue wreaking havoc in YOUR life UNTIL you learn how to rise above pride, ego, and negative-emotions.

Actually, your situation will only get worse for you because each new person you move to will only ADD TO the unhappiness that's inside of you.

The "Do-It-Yourself Marriage Counseling System" reveals how to conquer the pride, ego, and negative emotions that block you from the satisfying, fulfilling marriage you so want...it reveals how to relate with your spouse in a way that produces the marriage satisfaction and fulfillment you so strongly desire...it reveals deep-level insight into your spouse...such that with this knowledge (versus ignorance) your marriage relationship will forevermore be more satisfying and fulfilling.

The meaning, purpose, value, enjoyment, happiness, fun, adventure, affection, intimacy, and sex that satisfies and fulfills you at your very core is yours when you discover the lessons in the "Do-It-Yourself Marriage Counseling System".]]>
What is it that you bring to your spouse that really augments, enhances, and improves their life?

What do you offer your spouse that is significant and meaningful to them?

What about the other way around...

What value, benefit, and blessing do you gain from being with your spouse?

How does your spouse augment, enhance, and improve your life?

What does your spouse share with you that's significant and meaningful to you?

Sadly, for too many people, their marriage relationship is really nothing more than a "boarding arrangement"...two humans helping each other survive...two people pooling their resources and splitting costs...two friends helping each other with chores and responsibilities...two roommates filling in or standing in for each other when needed.

And, while it is good to have someone standing with you in this manner, it is not enough to satisfy and fulfill a person. If it was, people would just continue living with their brothers and sisters or they would continue to "dorm" with their guy friends or gal friends.

But, it is not enough...people want more...they thought they were getting more when they married...and too often, they end up with nothing more...sometimes even less...than what they had before they married.

How and why does this happen more often than not?

It happens BECAUSE of how each person RELATES to the other. Too frequently, the way people RELATE is based on:

1. Ignorance - primarily, this is a lack of understanding about the opposite sex but it can also be other forms of ignorance such as poor people skills.

2. Selfishness - where a person cares only about their self and their interests, projects, and happiness.

3. Insecurity - fear that causes a person to shut-down and close-up which distances them from their companion.

4. Entitlement - the belief that my spouse should just give me whatever I want with little to no effort or contribution on my part.

5. Laziness - the knowledge that one should and could relate to their spouse in a better way but lacking the desire or motivation to do so.

Without fail, these kinds of RELATING will assuredly drain the very life out of a relationship...draining it of respect, appreciation, attraction, honor, adventure, passion, and fun...leaving people in the "boarding arrangement" that is so unfulfilling and unsatisfying to them.

Soon, bitterness, resentment, and anger begin to build because people feel stuck and trapped. They have children and other long-term obligations and responsibilities that ethically and morally "locks" them into their "boarding arrangement".

But, how come so many people can't seem to fix their marriage relationship?

They can't because they are so actively engaged in pride, ego, stubbornness, resentment, anger, bitterness, hatred, and other negative-emotions that it's easier for them to either distance themselves from their spouse and "live" in an imaginary / pretend / fantasy world...or to step out and seek affection, intimacy, sex, fun, and adventure with an outside person.

What many people don't realize is that there are easy ways to "save face" and let go of pride, ego, and negative-emotions so that a person can do the "right thing" and create the happy, satisfying, fulfilling marriage relationship of their dreams with the spouse they already have.

Having said that, some people don't want to have the relationship of their dreams with their current spouse. They WANT it to be ANOTHER person. Well, that's the pride, ego, and negative-emotions that's driving that kind of response. And, here's what such a person should know: your unhappiness is INSIDE of you and will REMAIN WITH YOU...no matter who the other person in your life is. Your unhappiness will continue wreaking havoc in YOUR life UNTIL you learn how to rise above pride, ego, and negative-emotions.

Actually, your situation will only get worse for you because each new person you move to will only ADD TO the unhappiness that's inside of you.

The "Do-It-Yourself Marriage Counseling System" reveals how to conquer the pride, ego, and negative emotions that block you from the satisfying, fulfilling marriage you so want...it reveals how to relate with your spouse in a way that produces the marriage satisfaction and fulfillment you so strongly desire...it reveals deep-level insight into your spouse...such that with this knowledge (versus ignorance) your marriage relationship will forevermore be more satisfying and fulfilling.

The meaning, purpose, value, enjoyment, happiness, fun, adventure, affection, intimacy, and sex that satisfies and fulfills you at your very core is yours when you discover the lessons in the "Do-It-Yourself Marriage Counseling System".]]> http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=17 Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:17:39 -0700 http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=17 Quote:The issue I'm having is not between me and my wife as much as it's between my wife and our children. The children and I have a very positive relationship whereas the children and their mother are constantly "pushing each other's buttons". So often, when I get home from work, my family is an emotional wreck.

My question is, how can I help my wife have the positive kind of relationship with the children that I have?

I'll give you an example that happens often...yesterday, my wife was asking one of our children to practice their music and it promptly turned into a huge battle of the will's...my wife pointing out mistakes and asking our child to get them right and our child becoming more and more obstinate and stubborn.

Today, when I got home, my wife hadn't got to the music practice yet so she asked me to work with our child. The result was that our child and I had a wonderful practice that was positive, fun, and enjoyable for both of us.

Of course, my wife got very upset...as she usually does..when she sees how positive it goes for me and how negative it goes for her. In fact, she said, "Watching you with the children makes me feel like a total failure."

How can I help my wife?
Connecting what I know of your situation with what I've learned from experience, I see two problems.

Here's the first one...

A person's strength over-extended is a weakness.

Your wife CARES too much.

Caring is good. Caring too much is a weakness and a problem.

Your wife so cares about your children and how they turn out that she's literally driving them away -- SHE is producing the obstinate and stubborn behavior that you describe. I suspect she's doing this in all areas...the only exceptions being any areas where your children have a high level of interest and passion where they of their own accord are driven to succeed at a high level.

The music practice is a great example of what I'm talking about. Your wife so wants your child to be an accomplished musician...someone who's "significant"... someone who represents HER well...someone who points the world back to HER...SO THAT SHE FEELS AFFIRMED...so much so that a "mistake" is unacceptable to her.

What I just said reveals the second problem...

Each person must live out their own unique life.

A child IS a person.

Your wife wants her dreams and goals fulfilled through her children...she wants them to be of higher class and capability than she perceives herself as being.

Your wife wants it to be the case that when the world looks at your children, the world thinks of them as so special and remarkable that they cannot help but think about how special and remarkable these children's "Mom" must be.

This mode of operation...having a mental-map that drives a person to this kind of behavior IS HOW a parent DRIVES AWAY their kids and sends them off into bad/wrong directions in life. The more a parent tries to project their own wants and wishes onto their children, the more the children will reject and resist their parent.

The thing is, SOME kids will resist and reject while they are still a kid. But most will seemingly go along with their parents wishes and desires UNTIL they are an adult at which point they will reject and resist anything that reminds them of their parents.

So, the first thing a parent has to do IF they wish to be successful with their children...and if they wish to have children who are successful...is to realize and accept that EVERY person is a unique individual formed and fashioned by God to be UNLIKE anyone else who has ever existed or ever will exist...and to then support and encourage that uniqueness within each child.

A parent must realize and accept that they must pursue their own dreams for their own self and they must help their children find and pursue their own dreams for their own selves.

If YOU try to live your life through me...sooner or later, I'm going to reject that. If I try to live my life through you...sooner or later, you're going to reject that. Any parent that tries to live their life through the lives of their children...sooner or later, those children are going to reject that.

Without exception!

It's this way because God intends for each person to live out their own life according to the gifts and talents that He gave each person...so that they can fulfill their unique destiny and purpose...and someone who is trying to intervene and interject THEIR will into another person's life creates a disharmony and division between that person and God...and NOBODY can live with that forever.

Now, let me harp on the music a bit...and hopefully make some useful points...

Think about this: who said the music on the sheet of paper that your child was practicing from was "correct" to begin with?

In truth, those notes on that piece of paper are just one person's expression...and if your child's expression happens to be a little different, so what?

Chet Atkins is widely regarded as one of the best if not the best guitarist of all time...and I heard him tell a story about making mistakes on his recordings...people would learn to play the song from his recording...and when he would play it "right" in a concert, people would tell him that he "messed up" because it didn't match the recording.

Music is NOT about the notes on a piece of paper! Music is about expressing yourself...it's about having fun...letting your spirit soar...communicating to the world real feeling...and who cares whether or not that matches what's on a piece of paper.

In fact, a piece of paper is nothing more than a CONSTRAINING device that LIMITS a person from expressing themselves musically.

When I was growing up, EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL, my parents forced me to practice the piano for a FULL HOUR...and they completely drove me away from music until I was an adult who could pursue the kind of music I wanted to play...the beautiful music I had in my heart.

And I LOVED music...if they would have just worked with me...I would have been an incredible pianist...but, THEY wanted me to play CLASSICAL music...which I enjoy listening to...but did not care to play...I wanted to play the boogie-woogie / bluesy piano style...and that didn't match what THEY wanted.

Further, I LOVED guitar EVEN MORE THAN THE PIANO...and even though my Dad could play the guitar, he refused to teach me how to play the guitar or to get me one so I could learn on my own...again, because THEY wanted me to play classical piano...it was all about THEM...instead of helping ME become the kind of person who could express himself musically through the instruments that I wanted to express myself through.

You know what? After all those years of that piano practice, you could give me pretty much any piece of sheet music and I could play it...I could answer just about ANY music theory question you could ask me...and I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOW MUSIC REALLY WORKED...no sheet music in front of me meant I couldn't play anything.

But, when I put away the sheet music...when I said forget all that nonsense...I just want to express the music that's in my soul...and I quickly learned the patterns and relations of the 12 notes in music...and now, I can get upon stage with my guitar...with ANY band...and I can RIP through ANY song...even one that I've never heard before...in ANY key...and people listening will be saying "WOW!" when I'm done.

In my opinion, THAT is what music is all about...it's what ALL the music greats did. Go study the history of classical piano players...they were people who were hired by kings and dignitaries to play...and what they played was different every time they played because they were expressing the music that was in their soul...and the sheet music that we have today of their music is but a single INTERPRETATION of that music...but it was by no means the composers ONLY interpretation.

Ok, enough of that...admittedly, I was on a soap-box and ranting...but I had to say all of that...because it sickens me how many parents are forcefully teaching their kids to be chameleons of other people...they are teaching them to be followers of the "crowd"...and teaching them to DENY their true self...and NOBODY can truly be successful in life UNTIL their REAL SELF begins to assert itself and shine forth to create and bring about the good that God intends for them to manifest.

In terms of "fixing" this problem, the solution will depend upon how open your wife is to receiving instruction from you.

Possibly, just a discussion that is your own variant of the above may be all that's needed for your wife to make the shifts she needs to make.

Myself, I tend to "teach" my wife by providing contrasting examples. What one person can do, any other person can do too...IF they do the same thing.

So, going forward, when you interact with your children, notice what your thought-processes, attitudes, time-orientations, outcome-orientations, perspectives, and behaviors are and share those with your wife so that she can take on your mode of operation and get the results you get.

Copyright 2010, Article by Calle Zorro of HusbandWifeHelp.com]]> Quote:The issue I'm having is not between me and my wife as much as it's between my wife and our children. The children and I have a very positive relationship whereas the children and their mother are constantly "pushing each other's buttons". So often, when I get home from work, my family is an emotional wreck.

My question is, how can I help my wife have the positive kind of relationship with the children that I have?

I'll give you an example that happens often...yesterday, my wife was asking one of our children to practice their music and it promptly turned into a huge battle of the will's...my wife pointing out mistakes and asking our child to get them right and our child becoming more and more obstinate and stubborn.

Today, when I got home, my wife hadn't got to the music practice yet so she asked me to work with our child. The result was that our child and I had a wonderful practice that was positive, fun, and enjoyable for both of us.

Of course, my wife got very upset...as she usually does..when she sees how positive it goes for me and how negative it goes for her. In fact, she said, "Watching you with the children makes me feel like a total failure."

How can I help my wife?
Connecting what I know of your situation with what I've learned from experience, I see two problems.

Here's the first one...

A person's strength over-extended is a weakness.

Your wife CARES too much.

Caring is good. Caring too much is a weakness and a problem.

Your wife so cares about your children and how they turn out that she's literally driving them away -- SHE is producing the obstinate and stubborn behavior that you describe. I suspect she's doing this in all areas...the only exceptions being any areas where your children have a high level of interest and passion where they of their own accord are driven to succeed at a high level.

The music practice is a great example of what I'm talking about. Your wife so wants your child to be an accomplished musician...someone who's "significant"... someone who represents HER well...someone who points the world back to HER...SO THAT SHE FEELS AFFIRMED...so much so that a "mistake" is unacceptable to her.

What I just said reveals the second problem...

Each person must live out their own unique life.

A child IS a person.

Your wife wants her dreams and goals fulfilled through her children...she wants them to be of higher class and capability than she perceives herself as being.

Your wife wants it to be the case that when the world looks at your children, the world thinks of them as so special and remarkable that they cannot help but think about how special and remarkable these children's "Mom" must be.

This mode of operation...having a mental-map that drives a person to this kind of behavior IS HOW a parent DRIVES AWAY their kids and sends them off into bad/wrong directions in life. The more a parent tries to project their own wants and wishes onto their children, the more the children will reject and resist their parent.

The thing is, SOME kids will resist and reject while they are still a kid. But most will seemingly go along with their parents wishes and desires UNTIL they are an adult at which point they will reject and resist anything that reminds them of their parents.

So, the first thing a parent has to do IF they wish to be successful with their children...and if they wish to have children who are successful...is to realize and accept that EVERY person is a unique individual formed and fashioned by God to be UNLIKE anyone else who has ever existed or ever will exist...and to then support and encourage that uniqueness within each child.

A parent must realize and accept that they must pursue their own dreams for their own self and they must help their children find and pursue their own dreams for their own selves.

If YOU try to live your life through me...sooner or later, I'm going to reject that. If I try to live my life through you...sooner or later, you're going to reject that. Any parent that tries to live their life through the lives of their children...sooner or later, those children are going to reject that.

Without exception!

It's this way because God intends for each person to live out their own life according to the gifts and talents that He gave each person...so that they can fulfill their unique destiny and purpose...and someone who is trying to intervene and interject THEIR will into another person's life creates a disharmony and division between that person and God...and NOBODY can live with that forever.

Now, let me harp on the music a bit...and hopefully make some useful points...

Think about this: who said the music on the sheet of paper that your child was practicing from was "correct" to begin with?

In truth, those notes on that piece of paper are just one person's expression...and if your child's expression happens to be a little different, so what?

Chet Atkins is widely regarded as one of the best if not the best guitarist of all time...and I heard him tell a story about making mistakes on his recordings...people would learn to play the song from his recording...and when he would play it "right" in a concert, people would tell him that he "messed up" because it didn't match the recording.

Music is NOT about the notes on a piece of paper! Music is about expressing yourself...it's about having fun...letting your spirit soar...communicating to the world real feeling...and who cares whether or not that matches what's on a piece of paper.

In fact, a piece of paper is nothing more than a CONSTRAINING device that LIMITS a person from expressing themselves musically.

When I was growing up, EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL, my parents forced me to practice the piano for a FULL HOUR...and they completely drove me away from music until I was an adult who could pursue the kind of music I wanted to play...the beautiful music I had in my heart.

And I LOVED music...if they would have just worked with me...I would have been an incredible pianist...but, THEY wanted me to play CLASSICAL music...which I enjoy listening to...but did not care to play...I wanted to play the boogie-woogie / bluesy piano style...and that didn't match what THEY wanted.

Further, I LOVED guitar EVEN MORE THAN THE PIANO...and even though my Dad could play the guitar, he refused to teach me how to play the guitar or to get me one so I could learn on my own...again, because THEY wanted me to play classical piano...it was all about THEM...instead of helping ME become the kind of person who could express himself musically through the instruments that I wanted to express myself through.

You know what? After all those years of that piano practice, you could give me pretty much any piece of sheet music and I could play it...I could answer just about ANY music theory question you could ask me...and I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOW MUSIC REALLY WORKED...no sheet music in front of me meant I couldn't play anything.

But, when I put away the sheet music...when I said forget all that nonsense...I just want to express the music that's in my soul...and I quickly learned the patterns and relations of the 12 notes in music...and now, I can get upon stage with my guitar...with ANY band...and I can RIP through ANY song...even one that I've never heard before...in ANY key...and people listening will be saying "WOW!" when I'm done.

In my opinion, THAT is what music is all about...it's what ALL the music greats did. Go study the history of classical piano players...they were people who were hired by kings and dignitaries to play...and what they played was different every time they played because they were expressing the music that was in their soul...and the sheet music that we have today of their music is but a single INTERPRETATION of that music...but it was by no means the composers ONLY interpretation.

Ok, enough of that...admittedly, I was on a soap-box and ranting...but I had to say all of that...because it sickens me how many parents are forcefully teaching their kids to be chameleons of other people...they are teaching them to be followers of the "crowd"...and teaching them to DENY their true self...and NOBODY can truly be successful in life UNTIL their REAL SELF begins to assert itself and shine forth to create and bring about the good that God intends for them to manifest.

In terms of "fixing" this problem, the solution will depend upon how open your wife is to receiving instruction from you.

Possibly, just a discussion that is your own variant of the above may be all that's needed for your wife to make the shifts she needs to make.

Myself, I tend to "teach" my wife by providing contrasting examples. What one person can do, any other person can do too...IF they do the same thing.

So, going forward, when you interact with your children, notice what your thought-processes, attitudes, time-orientations, outcome-orientations, perspectives, and behaviors are and share those with your wife so that she can take on your mode of operation and get the results you get.

Copyright 2010, Article by Calle Zorro of HusbandWifeHelp.com]]> http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=16 Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:54:44 -0700 http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=16
But, before that can happen, they must become aware of what shifts they need to make. And sometimes, all a person needs is a few simple questions...questions that help them see themselves in a new and different way...and then they are able to make the shifts that produce MAJOR improvements in their life.

Knowing this, consider these questions in relation to you, your spouse, and your marriage:

1. Whose efforts do I depend upon to get what I want?
2. Do I need my spouse in order to get what I want?
3. Is the satisfaction and fulfillment that I desire dependent upon my spouse?
4. Is my physical, financial, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual well-being tied to my spouse?
5. Do I believe my spouse is obligated to take care of me?
6. Is it my belief that my spouse should come through for me when I want something...without any effort on my part?
7. Do I blame my spouse for the results, conditions, and circumstances in my life?
8. Do I require the support of others...which gives them license to control me?
9. Who does my thinking for me?
10. Who drives my actions? Do I act of my own volition...or am I acted upon by others?
11. Who do I get my direction from?
12. Who do I expect to validate me?
13. Who is it that I primarily rely upon?
14. How cooperative with others am I?
15. How clear am I on what I want out of my marriage?
16. How clear am I on what my spouse wants out of our marriage?
17. How clear am I on what my spouse and I want together out of our marriage?
18. Do I consider my spouse's talents and abilities to be threats or allies?
19. Am I a person of integrity, power, strength, and courage?
20. Does my behavior indicate a belief that I must manipulate people into giving me what I want?
21. Does my mode of operation reveal a belief that I must use available "assets" as leverage...as weapons...to get what I want?
22. How much energy do I give to my spouses weaknesses, failures, and flaws?

Here's an eye-opening exercise you can try; on a piece of paper, write down the major frustrations you are experiencing in your marriage. Then, reference each frustration against these 22 questions.

What did you find out?

Copyright 2010, Article by Calle Zorro of HusbandWifeHelp.com]]>
But, before that can happen, they must become aware of what shifts they need to make. And sometimes, all a person needs is a few simple questions...questions that help them see themselves in a new and different way...and then they are able to make the shifts that produce MAJOR improvements in their life.

Knowing this, consider these questions in relation to you, your spouse, and your marriage:

1. Whose efforts do I depend upon to get what I want?
2. Do I need my spouse in order to get what I want?
3. Is the satisfaction and fulfillment that I desire dependent upon my spouse?
4. Is my physical, financial, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual well-being tied to my spouse?
5. Do I believe my spouse is obligated to take care of me?
6. Is it my belief that my spouse should come through for me when I want something...without any effort on my part?
7. Do I blame my spouse for the results, conditions, and circumstances in my life?
8. Do I require the support of others...which gives them license to control me?
9. Who does my thinking for me?
10. Who drives my actions? Do I act of my own volition...or am I acted upon by others?
11. Who do I get my direction from?
12. Who do I expect to validate me?
13. Who is it that I primarily rely upon?
14. How cooperative with others am I?
15. How clear am I on what I want out of my marriage?
16. How clear am I on what my spouse wants out of our marriage?
17. How clear am I on what my spouse and I want together out of our marriage?
18. Do I consider my spouse's talents and abilities to be threats or allies?
19. Am I a person of integrity, power, strength, and courage?
20. Does my behavior indicate a belief that I must manipulate people into giving me what I want?
21. Does my mode of operation reveal a belief that I must use available "assets" as leverage...as weapons...to get what I want?
22. How much energy do I give to my spouses weaknesses, failures, and flaws?

Here's an eye-opening exercise you can try; on a piece of paper, write down the major frustrations you are experiencing in your marriage. Then, reference each frustration against these 22 questions.

What did you find out?

Copyright 2010, Article by Calle Zorro of HusbandWifeHelp.com]]> http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=13 Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:17:09 -0700 http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=13
Well, unhappily married people would say it's that "magic" feeling that "just happens" between two people...it's not something you can consciously create...it's that "spark" that's either there or it isn't.

And, with a definition like that, you know WHY these people are unhappily married.

Love is the thing that people want more than anything else in life...and unhappily married people have defined it as something that's completely outside of their control.

They've defined it as a WHIM that can come AND go...it's something that's unbelievably exciting when it's there and intolerable when it's not...and they are literally wrecking their lives trying to find and "pin down" this elusive feeling.

For people who are unhappily married, love is something to "GET" from others.

In complete and total contrast, happily married people define love as a feeling that is subject to their thoughts...thoughts produce feelings...and therefore, to produce the feelings one wants is as simple as having the right kinds of thoughts.

Moreover, in the view of happily married people, love is something that a person receives IN KIND!

In other words, one doesn't try to GET love from others...rather they GIVE love to others WITH JOY AND PLEASURE which inspires others to GIVE love back.

While unhappily married people take the "hard" route of bending over backwards to GET love...and rarely ever reaching it...happily married people take the "easy" route by bending forward and GIVING it to their spouse and everyone around them...and love EASILY comes back to them.

Moreover, love is deciding that one's spouse HAS value and being committed to showing, expressing, and articulating that value in as many ways as possible.

As you consider that, perhaps the elusive secret to a happy marriage really is as simple as consciously deciding to consistently put intention, attention, and effort towards HAVING a happy marriage.

That's not very hard and yet so many people's behavior indicates that they think a good marriage is just a matter of happenstance. It's like they think their marriage is a "thing" like their car or home or watch. But, it most definitely is not.

Your marriage is something that you and your spouse are DOING. And, by looking at the level of happiness, satisfaction, and pleasure that's in your marriage, you can tell how well the two of you are DOING your marriage.

Do you like the results of what the two of you are doing? If not, then maybe it's time to learn what happily married people do so that you can do what they do and get the results they get.

http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com Learn the secrets and patterns of happily married people. Find out what they do...how they think...their viewpoint...their feelings...everything...and it's all packaged up as a "model" that you and your spouse can easily "install" in your own marriage and thereby get the same happy marriage result that happily married people have. Filed Under: Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling or Marriage Counseling: Do-It-Yourself]]>
Well, unhappily married people would say it's that "magic" feeling that "just happens" between two people...it's not something you can consciously create...it's that "spark" that's either there or it isn't.

And, with a definition like that, you know WHY these people are unhappily married.

Love is the thing that people want more than anything else in life...and unhappily married people have defined it as something that's completely outside of their control.

They've defined it as a WHIM that can come AND go...it's something that's unbelievably exciting when it's there and intolerable when it's not...and they are literally wrecking their lives trying to find and "pin down" this elusive feeling.

For people who are unhappily married, love is something to "GET" from others.

In complete and total contrast, happily married people define love as a feeling that is subject to their thoughts...thoughts produce feelings...and therefore, to produce the feelings one wants is as simple as having the right kinds of thoughts.

Moreover, in the view of happily married people, love is something that a person receives IN KIND!

In other words, one doesn't try to GET love from others...rather they GIVE love to others WITH JOY AND PLEASURE which inspires others to GIVE love back.

While unhappily married people take the "hard" route of bending over backwards to GET love...and rarely ever reaching it...happily married people take the "easy" route by bending forward and GIVING it to their spouse and everyone around them...and love EASILY comes back to them.

Moreover, love is deciding that one's spouse HAS value and being committed to showing, expressing, and articulating that value in as many ways as possible.

As you consider that, perhaps the elusive secret to a happy marriage really is as simple as consciously deciding to consistently put intention, attention, and effort towards HAVING a happy marriage.

That's not very hard and yet so many people's behavior indicates that they think a good marriage is just a matter of happenstance. It's like they think their marriage is a "thing" like their car or home or watch. But, it most definitely is not.

Your marriage is something that you and your spouse are DOING. And, by looking at the level of happiness, satisfaction, and pleasure that's in your marriage, you can tell how well the two of you are DOING your marriage.

Do you like the results of what the two of you are doing? If not, then maybe it's time to learn what happily married people do so that you can do what they do and get the results they get.

http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com Learn the secrets and patterns of happily married people. Find out what they do...how they think...their viewpoint...their feelings...everything...and it's all packaged up as a "model" that you and your spouse can easily "install" in your own marriage and thereby get the same happy marriage result that happily married people have. Filed Under: Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling or Marriage Counseling: Do-It-Yourself]]> http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=12 Mon, 12 Oct 2009 08:54:53 -0700 http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=12
Moreover, there's usually the issue of participation and cooperation. There's almost always one spouse who really wants to get help...and one who doesn't.

Further, there's usually a problem related to privacy. There's usually at least one spouse who is not interested in opening up and exposing the details of his or her personal life to the "world".

Besides the issues of cost, participation / cooperation, and privacy, there are two even more important reason why a person should seriously consider do-it-yourself marriage counseling.

First and foremost is that classically trained marriage counselors are trained to explore and analyze the problems a married couple is having...with the idea that by exploring and analyzing the problems, the "solutions" will somehow surface.

In reality, all that happens is that the spouse who is already upset and "negative" about the marriage simply gets to RE-EXPERIENCE all the "bad stuff" that's going through his or her head and all the negative feelings they feel towards their spouse and marriage gets AMPLIFIED even more.

And so, the marriage ends up in worse shape than it was before the couple went to "marriage counseling".

The second big flaw in traditional counseling is that it generally creates greater division instead of bringing the troubled couple closer together. Usually, a married couple is already "divided"...that's why they are seeking marriage counseling. And then, they get to the marriage counselor or marriage therapist office and they get "divided" even more by getting assigned to SEPARATE counseling sessions...and it becomes an adversarial / divided situation where the counselor / therapist is essentially encouraging each spouse to BASH the other one...and that's NOT how you bring two people together.

Of course, the idea is that the counselor / therapist will somehow be able to "mediate" and "negotiate" the two people back together...but that's sort of like trying to "mediate" a fight while egging the fight on.

It's no wonder that traditional marriage counseling has such a low success rate.

But, with Do-It-Yourself Marriage Counseling, a person gets to bypass all of these problems and drawbacks to traditional marriage counseling.

Now, for a couple who needs help but is low on cash at the moment (and issues relating to money is one of the top three sources of marital trouble) then a person can go to Amazon.com and buy a couple of books such as: "Love Life For Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310214...0310214866 ) and "The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0752837...0752837265 ). With these books, a person can read, highlight, make notes, and work out their own "marriage counseling" solutions that they then take to their spouse...and it will cost about $20.

It's not very sophisticated...and much of the advice in these books is pretty simplistic but it can sometimes help a person get their marriage going in a positive direction.

If you want something that's more certain to work...and to work more fully and completely, then an even better solution is to learn the secrets and patterns of happily married people like what is offered at http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com. This is a solution that shows and explains exactly what it is that happily married people do...how they think...their viewpoint...their feelings...everything...and it's all packaged up as a "model" that you and your spouse can easily "install" in your own marriage and thereby get the same happy marriage result that happily married people have. It's really an unusual and unique approach because while the rest of the marriage counseling world is focused on identifying, fixing and solving marriage problems this solution barely even touches on the problems and yet the problems all go away by simply installing a new, different, and better "model" (thought patterns) in you and your spouse's mind. It's incredibly effective.

Filed Under:
Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling
Marriage Counseling: Do-It-Yourself]]>
Moreover, there's usually the issue of participation and cooperation. There's almost always one spouse who really wants to get help...and one who doesn't.

Further, there's usually a problem related to privacy. There's usually at least one spouse who is not interested in opening up and exposing the details of his or her personal life to the "world".

Besides the issues of cost, participation / cooperation, and privacy, there are two even more important reason why a person should seriously consider do-it-yourself marriage counseling.

First and foremost is that classically trained marriage counselors are trained to explore and analyze the problems a married couple is having...with the idea that by exploring and analyzing the problems, the "solutions" will somehow surface.

In reality, all that happens is that the spouse who is already upset and "negative" about the marriage simply gets to RE-EXPERIENCE all the "bad stuff" that's going through his or her head and all the negative feelings they feel towards their spouse and marriage gets AMPLIFIED even more.

And so, the marriage ends up in worse shape than it was before the couple went to "marriage counseling".

The second big flaw in traditional counseling is that it generally creates greater division instead of bringing the troubled couple closer together. Usually, a married couple is already "divided"...that's why they are seeking marriage counseling. And then, they get to the marriage counselor or marriage therapist office and they get "divided" even more by getting assigned to SEPARATE counseling sessions...and it becomes an adversarial / divided situation where the counselor / therapist is essentially encouraging each spouse to BASH the other one...and that's NOT how you bring two people together.

Of course, the idea is that the counselor / therapist will somehow be able to "mediate" and "negotiate" the two people back together...but that's sort of like trying to "mediate" a fight while egging the fight on.

It's no wonder that traditional marriage counseling has such a low success rate.

But, with Do-It-Yourself Marriage Counseling, a person gets to bypass all of these problems and drawbacks to traditional marriage counseling.

Now, for a couple who needs help but is low on cash at the moment (and issues relating to money is one of the top three sources of marital trouble) then a person can go to Amazon.com and buy a couple of books such as: "Love Life For Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310214...0310214866 ) and "The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0752837...0752837265 ). With these books, a person can read, highlight, make notes, and work out their own "marriage counseling" solutions that they then take to their spouse...and it will cost about $20.

It's not very sophisticated...and much of the advice in these books is pretty simplistic but it can sometimes help a person get their marriage going in a positive direction.

If you want something that's more certain to work...and to work more fully and completely, then an even better solution is to learn the secrets and patterns of happily married people like what is offered at http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com. This is a solution that shows and explains exactly what it is that happily married people do...how they think...their viewpoint...their feelings...everything...and it's all packaged up as a "model" that you and your spouse can easily "install" in your own marriage and thereby get the same happy marriage result that happily married people have. It's really an unusual and unique approach because while the rest of the marriage counseling world is focused on identifying, fixing and solving marriage problems this solution barely even touches on the problems and yet the problems all go away by simply installing a new, different, and better "model" (thought patterns) in you and your spouse's mind. It's incredibly effective.

Filed Under:
Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling
Marriage Counseling: Do-It-Yourself]]> http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=7 Sat, 03 Oct 2009 12:36:33 -0700 http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=7
Two people who are completely different in their:

* Beliefs
* Objectives / Dreams / Goals / Interests
* Personality / Temperament
* Priorities / Rankings
* Responsibilities
* Sex
* Thinking / Cognitive Processes
* Upbringing / Background
* etc.

And, both of these people express these differences in a thousand ways every day...all while living under the same roof.

Is it any wonder that there's so much conflict in most marriages?

Well, here's what I can promise you...until married people learn to navigate and manage these differences, they will continue to have problems – marriage will continue to be a "hard" thing for them.

The slowest way to learn these skills is to discover them by trial and error. A faster way is to find someone who's already went through the slow, painful process of figuring it out – and assuming they're willing to mentor you – model / copy what they do. If you don't have access to such a person, then maybe http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com is the right solution for you because I've already worked out everything so that marriage becomes "easy", enjoyable, fun, and pleasurable -- everything it was meant to be.]]>
Two people who are completely different in their:

* Beliefs
* Objectives / Dreams / Goals / Interests
* Personality / Temperament
* Priorities / Rankings
* Responsibilities
* Sex
* Thinking / Cognitive Processes
* Upbringing / Background
* etc.

And, both of these people express these differences in a thousand ways every day...all while living under the same roof.

Is it any wonder that there's so much conflict in most marriages?

Well, here's what I can promise you...until married people learn to navigate and manage these differences, they will continue to have problems – marriage will continue to be a "hard" thing for them.

The slowest way to learn these skills is to discover them by trial and error. A faster way is to find someone who's already went through the slow, painful process of figuring it out – and assuming they're willing to mentor you – model / copy what they do. If you don't have access to such a person, then maybe http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com is the right solution for you because I've already worked out everything so that marriage becomes "easy", enjoyable, fun, and pleasurable -- everything it was meant to be.]]> http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=6 Sat, 03 Oct 2009 11:45:54 -0700 http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=6
If not directly, what about from a distance...has there been a happily married couple who you could observe from a distance and learn from?

For MOST people, the number of happily married people they have had the opportunity to learn from adds up to a "Big, Fat ZERO!"

For MOST people, what they saw instead was a bunch of adults who mistreated and disrespected each other. What they heard was married people complaining and griping about their spouse every chance they could – or telling "jokes" that insinuated how bad marriage was for them. And the rest of the time, they just felt the bad feelings that come from being around two unhappy people who fought, argued, and bickered incessantly.

Because of this, MOST people determine that they are going to have a different and better marriage than their parents and other married people they knew growing up...and with that wonderful intention, they turn right around and repeat the cycle...they end up with the very same kind of marriage they said they weren't going to have.

How does this happen?

It happens because they modeled and patterned – they learned – their relationship strategies, techniques, and viewpoints from people who were in unhappy relationships.

That's what they know and that's what they unconsciously apply to their relationship which produces the unwanted outcomes.

So, what is http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com all about? It's about sharing the strategies, techniques, and viewpoints of people who ARE happily married.

http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com is your chance to FINALLY get to model and pattern the kind of marriage relationship that everyone wants but so few have.

This is what makes me and my approach so unique and different from most marriage counseling. Academic psychology wants to diagnose all that's wrong and what doesn't work so that they can then supposedly "fix" it.

I don't subscribe to that model. You already know what you know and you already know that what you know isn't working as well as you want it to. Which means...

All you need is someone to show and tell you what happily married people do...and the viewpoint they have that causes them to do what they do...so that you can view things in the same way and do the same thing they do and get the same result they get – a happy, loving, satisfying, fulfilling, and intimate marriage relationship.

That's all you need! That's all you need to get your marriage relationship moving in the direction you've wanted for all this time.]]>
If not directly, what about from a distance...has there been a happily married couple who you could observe from a distance and learn from?

For MOST people, the number of happily married people they have had the opportunity to learn from adds up to a "Big, Fat ZERO!"

For MOST people, what they saw instead was a bunch of adults who mistreated and disrespected each other. What they heard was married people complaining and griping about their spouse every chance they could – or telling "jokes" that insinuated how bad marriage was for them. And the rest of the time, they just felt the bad feelings that come from being around two unhappy people who fought, argued, and bickered incessantly.

Because of this, MOST people determine that they are going to have a different and better marriage than their parents and other married people they knew growing up...and with that wonderful intention, they turn right around and repeat the cycle...they end up with the very same kind of marriage they said they weren't going to have.

How does this happen?

It happens because they modeled and patterned – they learned – their relationship strategies, techniques, and viewpoints from people who were in unhappy relationships.

That's what they know and that's what they unconsciously apply to their relationship which produces the unwanted outcomes.

So, what is http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com all about? It's about sharing the strategies, techniques, and viewpoints of people who ARE happily married.

http://www.HusbandWifeHelp.com is your chance to FINALLY get to model and pattern the kind of marriage relationship that everyone wants but so few have.

This is what makes me and my approach so unique and different from most marriage counseling. Academic psychology wants to diagnose all that's wrong and what doesn't work so that they can then supposedly "fix" it.

I don't subscribe to that model. You already know what you know and you already know that what you know isn't working as well as you want it to. Which means...

All you need is someone to show and tell you what happily married people do...and the viewpoint they have that causes them to do what they do...so that you can view things in the same way and do the same thing they do and get the same result they get – a happy, loving, satisfying, fulfilling, and intimate marriage relationship.

That's all you need! That's all you need to get your marriage relationship moving in the direction you've wanted for all this time.]]>